Lost Without You
by LostUnderTheStars
Summary: A tragic accident leaves Harley lost and confused in Gotham General Hospital with no memories of her life, apart from a certain green haired pale devil... Will Joker be able to help her find herself again? Or will the Harley he's come to love be lost forever? (Joker/Harley) (Rating may be changed to M later.)
1. Lost Girl

**A/N: Hello People of the Internet!**

 **Firstly, Thanks for clicking on this story and I hope you enjoy it. I'm pretty new to writing fanfics, so please be kind. This is a Joker/Harley fanfic, based on the fluffier/sweeter relationship shown in Suicide Squad. More info at the bottom :)...**

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Spinning. Beep. Beep. BEEP. Buzzing. Voices. Mumbling voices. Buzzing. Blurs of color. Beep. Beep. Fading colors. Whispering. Beep. Darkness. Numbness. Emptiness.

SHOCK! Blinding light. Shouting. Panic. Movement. Spinning. Coldness. SHOCK! Pain. Overwhelming pain. Dizziness. Flickering lights. Shivering. Nausea. Swaying. Burning. Fading. Numbness. Peace...

She was woken by an irritating beeping. Relentless and annoying. It was Saturday, for God's sake! Why was her alarm going off? Wait a minute, she didn't have an alarm... Or did she? Mentally trying to picture her bedroom, she hit a blank. Why couldn't she remember her bedroom? Why couldn't she remember if she set an alarm?

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open, heavier than she had expected. The room was a blurry mix of greens and whites that made her eyes burn and her head pound. It took a good minute for the world to come into focus, an overwhelming odor of disinfectant assaulting her as it did. Her body jolted, searing pain surging through her at the movement, enough to trap the scream of fear in her throat.

This wasn't her room.

Faded blue walls, speckled cream linoleum floors, scratchy cotton bedding. None of this was familiar. Her thoughts flickered erratically before coming to a conclusion. Hospital. Hospital. She was in a hospital. A fairly nice one judging by the quality of the curtains... but that didn't matter. Not now. Not when she was in a hospital. Not when she couldn't remember getting here.

"Help..." She croaked out, the word like sandpaper on her tongue. Her heart was pounding out of her chest. Hands shaking uncontrollably. Everything hurt. Everything burned. A thousand elephants were stampeding through her head, a knife in her side every time she breathed. What the hell had happened to her?

"Hello dear, you're finally awake I see." An elderly lady said softly, walking into the room. Her outfit was odd... no wait. Hospital. Nurse. Obviously. She mentally scolded herself, she was far smarter than that, regardless of the pain in her head. "Don't panic, your in Gotham General Hospital. Everything is alright, you were just in a car accident. Here, have some ice."

She took the offering gratefully, popping the chip into her mouth and letting it dissolve. It seemed to ease the fire in her throat, though it did nothing to calm her. Settling her shaking hands on the bed rail, she closed her eyes and tried to settle herself.

"There you go dear. Now, can you tell me your name sweetie?" Her eyes flashed open at this question. A simple question. Yet her mind drew a blank. Her brows furrowed as she concentrated, searching the depths of her mind for an answer. Any answer at all. Nothing. Blank. The answer should have been instinctive. A reflex reaction to a question she would have been asked all her life... and yet, nothing.

"I don't remember..." She stuttered, raising a trembling hand to her throat. "I-I-I..." Where had it gone? Her brain, her memories, her life? Why couldn't she remember anything? Why was there nothing there? How could she remember words and places and logical things, but not her own name?! What the **_hell_** was wrong with her?!

"Easy there, it's alright. You injured your head quite badly. Don't worry about it for now, it'll come to you later." **Lie**. She didn't know how she could tell, but deep down in her gut, she knew it was a lie. It made her furious. "Is there anything in particular you remember? Maybe someone we can call?"

She pushed herself, ignoring the pounding agony and forcing her mind to find a word. A name. Anything. Think, think, think! Who would she call in a situation like this? Who would she call when she panicked? Who would she turn to? Who was the most important person in her life? There had to be something there dammit! There _had to be._ Her entire life couldn't just be **gone!** **FOCUS!**

A rush of dizzying feelings passed through her, vibrant memories flashing past her eyes at the speed of light. Emotions and feelings and confusion and _happiness_. Unbelievable happiness. Memories of green hair, pale skin, laughing. Strong hands, tattoos, purple. It all hit her at once, all leading to one miraculous conclusion. A gasp of breath.

"MISTER J!" She screamed at the very top of her lungs, the piercing sound reverberating off the walls. It hurt like hell to scream with her throat so raw, but she didn't care. Not when there was something, _someone_ there. Something that she could remember, something she could cling to in the emptiness of her mind. "J! J! MISTER J! PLEASE MISTER J! J HELP ME!"

She continued screeching, flailing wildly, completely oblivious to the hoards of people surrounding her. Strapping her down and placing a syringe into her drip swiftly. Where was he? He had to be here. Joker had to be here! He wouldn't leave her behind! WHERE WAS HE?! Quickly the world faded away, darkening as her shouts quieted, but her mind did not.

He would find her, whoever she was, and fix her. He always had, he always would. How she knew it, she wasn't sure, but she knew it like she knew the sun would rise in the morning and the ocean would meet the shore.

Mr J would find her. Soon.

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 **A/N: I got the idea for a memory loss kinda** **fic from an advert I saw when I was really tired and somehow my mind put this together. I've got more ideas for this story, so please let me know if you want me to continue it...**

 **xoxo LUTS**


	2. Madness

**A/N: Hello Again! Thank you all so much for reading, I was stunned by the number of favorites and follows this has already received. Here's the new chapter, a bit longer than the last, I hope you enjoy! Please review if you are enjoying it and feel free to give me some ideas for things you'd like to see in this story.**

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She screamed. Again. Another ear piercing scream that made the nurses cringe. She was tired of screaming, her throat burning under the strain, but she didn't know what else to do. No one here could give her the answers she needed, they didn't know who she was or where she'd come from. But _he_ would know. Her memories were limited, but it was enough to know that Joker would be able to answer her questions. He could help her, but with no phone and her body restrained to the bed, all she could do was scream. Hoping that somehow, word would get to him about the crazy woman in the hospital looking for his help. Mister J was her only hope, and after days of screaming and sedation... she was starting to lose hope altogether.

The thought that he wasn't coming for her... That she would never get out of this stupid hospital full of doctors trying to calm her and psychiatrists trying to fix her... None of them understood. They didn't understand what it felt like to have nothing, to not even know your own name. If he didn't come for her... the idea made her sick... And so she screamed again, at the very top of her lungs, desperation making her voice crack.

She'd be damned if she went down without a fight.

Joker prowled down the hallway, Jonny and a some of his other men a few paces behind. Joker had been losing it, _really_ losing it. Their boss had always been crazy, but this was taking it to new levels. He was drinking all night, barely sleeping, he'd torn apart his apartment at least twice (obsessively arranging knives and guns in place of the furniture), shooting henchmen at random, blowing up banks and leaving the money behind... Things were getting out of hand and as a result everyone was on edge.

No one had realized the effect that Harley'd had on him until she was gone. She'd kept him grounded, focused on his plans. Harley had given him direction and purpose, and without her guidance things were falling apart at the club. The Queen was a far more important piece than anyone had realized...

All efforts were now aimed at tracking her down, but so far every lead seemed to be a bust. Every failed attempt to find her seemed to plunge him deeper into madness and almost two weeks after her disappearance, they were beginning to wonder how much worse their boss would get if she _never_ came back... Jonny did his best to keep them focused, but fear was palpable amongst the group. Today, they were in the hospital following a lead from a corrupt doctor about a crazy woman in ward 4. It wasn't much, but they were willing to try anything at this point.

Doctors and nurses fell silent as they marched past, some averting their eyes and others dropping files or coffee cups, gaping in shock. That was when they heard it, muffled screams down the hall. Desperation and hopelessness and fear all blending into that oh so familiar voice. Joker broke into a sprint, leaving the rest scrambling to catch up.

He'd recognize that voice anywhere. The voice that drove him crazy, yet kept him sane. Harley. _His_ Harley. And she was in _pain._

 _It's your fault. It's your fault. Itsyourfault. Yourfaultyourfaultyourfault._

The voices in his mind persisted mockingly, but he ignored them, focusing on her instead. It wasn't hard to locate her, not with her pained pleas echoing down the hallway in stereo. J swung open the room door without hesitation, ice flooding his veins at the sight. She looked broken. Strapped down to the bed, tears streaming down her gorgeous face, her lips quivering as she yelled for help. As she yelled for him. A nurse stood nearby, a syringe poised near Harley's drip as she looked to the brunette holding a clipboard for guidance.

"Ma'am." The brunette stated calmly, though Joker could see her composure fading quickly as Harley yelled straight over her. "We need you to calm down so that you can answer our questions, otherwise we have to sedate you again."

"NO NO NO!" She screamed, thrashing against the restraints. "MISTER J! MISTER J PLEASE! HELP ME! Please... please..." Harley sobbed, her voice growing quieter as she resigned herself to her fate.

"Nurse, you can-"

"GET. OUT." Joker interrupted, the syringe clattering to the floor as the woman practically jumped out of her skin. The brunette appeared to be shaking with terror as her eyes met his briefly, before she dashed out of the room dragging the frazzled nurse behind her. Jonny ran in a split second later, quickly assessing the situation and shutting the door behind him. He assumed his normal position beside the entrance, keeping guard and fading into the background.

Harley's choked sobs continued though, as if she was oblivious to the outside world and trapped inside her own head. _She probably is..._ J was by her side in seconds, ripping the restraints off of her wrists and pulling her into his arms, but she didn't respond.

"Baby, baby, baby... I'm here." He said lowly, pulling her closer into his chest. Her scent was off, far more Hospital than Harley, but her thundering heartbeat against his chest was all the reassurance he needed. His Queen was back in his arms, and that was all that mattered.

"Mister J?" She asked quietly, almost as though she couldn't quite believe he was really there. That this was all some twisted dream fuelled by a cocktail of sedatives. Lord knows it wouldn't be the first...

"The one and only, baby." His voice matched her memories perfectly, husky and low. His scent was familiar, the spicy cologne she adored. He was really here. He was here to save her... And then she snapped. Strangled cries escaped her lips, hot tears rushing down her flushed skin whilst she clutched his purple shirt for dear life. Her body was shaking uncontrollably as she gasped for air, breathless as though there was no oxygen in the room. He was all too familiar with her in this state, although it had been awhile since he'd last seen it...

 _YourFaultYourFaultYourFaultYourFaultYourFaultYourFaultYourFaultYourFault._

"Harls..." He said quietly but firmly, ignoring the rambling voices circling his mind. Gently, he lifted her chin, forcing her bleary eyes to meet his. "Harls, I need you to focus on me. Breathe, baby. I've got you."

"Harls?" She sniffled, trying to catch her breath. "Harls... is that m-my name? Is that w-what you c-c-call me?" Joker froze, thrown by her question. He'd always called her Harls. Always. In fact she _loved_ the nickname, ever since he'd first used it during a session back at Arkham. So why was she asking about it now...? Swiftly, he put together the pieces and spun around to face Jonny.

"Jonny, go find me her doctor." He nodded once before leaving the room. Joker turned his attention back to a confused Harley.

"What's wrong Mister J? You look worried." His forehead was furrowed, jaw set tightly and his grey eyes were scanning her face as if looking for clues. Perhaps her question had been a little obvious, but it's not like she could hide it from him for long. He was very astute and he hated lies. _That,_ she could remember.

"Mister J?" He asked. This all wasn't adding up. Her hesitance to his touch, her uncertainty about her name, 'Mister J'... It just didn't fit. Sure, she still called him that from time to time, but mostly when she was feeling playful and wanted to relive the 'good old days'. Now, it was almost always J or Puddin, especially when she was feeling vulnerable. Something was very wrong... "Why Mister J?"

"Is there something wrong with that? Do I call you somethin' else?" Before he could answer, the door swung open and a doctor stumbled through, Jonny close behind with a magnum pointed at his head.

"Hey Doc," And there was that menacing grin from her memories, all metal teeth and impending murder. "Mind telling me what's wrong with my girl?"

She ignored how the words made her heart flutter with joy, instead focusing on the way Joker ripped her ankle restraints off and delicately rubbed over the red marks they'd left on her milky skin. His touch felt like heaven and it made listening to the terrified doctor quite difficult.

"S-she w-w-was in...in a car accident..." He stuttered before clearing his throat. "Minor sprained ankle, bruising to the torso, one cracked rib-" J's palm slammed down on the side table, startling Harley until he placed a reassuring hand on her thigh, which startled her for entirely different reasons...

"None of that explains why she can't remember her name Doc. I want answers. Now."

"It was a bad accident. We had to resuscitate her twice in the ER. She injured her head quite badly, and she's unfortunately developed amnesia. We aren't sure of the extent because she wouldn't answer our questions." She'd almost died. Twice. His Harley was almost ripped from the world and he was nowhere to be found. He failed her...

 _YourFaultYourFaultYourFault._ _ **Focus Dammit!**_

"How come she remembers me then Doc?"

"The brain is a curious thing. Depending on which section was damaged, depends on what information she may have lost. The affects can vary greatly from person to person."

"So how do we get her memories back?"

"You don't. They may come back on their own over time or they may never be restored. All you can do is try to jog her memory and be patient." Patience. _Patience_. Great, something he doesn't have a lot of.

"Jonny..." J sighed, gesturing for them to leave. When the door shut behind them, he turned to sit beside Harley on the bed, his eyes watching her carefully. "How much do you remember Harls?"

"Not a lot." She muttered, combing her fingers through her matted hair. "I remember how we met, some of our time at Arkham, but it's a little patchy. I remember you breaking out and taking me with you. That's about it..."

"Your name?" She shook her head.

"Your birthday?" Another no.

"Where we live?" No. Again.

"Keyway City?" His voice almost broke on the words, fear and desperation creeping in. It worried her, why that strange question seemed to mean so much to him. She would have to ask later...

When she shook her head no again, his heart fell a hundred floors. But he quickly played it off, putting on his signature smile and reaching out a hand to her.

"Well Harley Quinn, don't worry about it." Harley Quinn. She liked the sound of that. She took his offered hand and he placed a soft kiss to her knuckles. "We're going home, baby."She liked the sound of home too. She snuggled into his chest as he scooped her up bridal style and carried her out. Her memory was still full of gaps, but she felt better than she had in days. As long as she was with him, she would be alright.


End file.
